"Lost in a Forest of Words"

by Eric Miller, Chennai, 2018

 

Once there was a brother and sister.  They and their mother were getting ready for dinner.  Their mother said, "Children, we're going to have dinner a few minutes from now, when father comes home.  So you can go out and play if you like, but please don't go far."

 

So the brother and sister went outside.  They lived in a meadow, with a forest on one side.  Well, wouldn't you know it? -- the two children wandered off into the forest, and before they knew it, they were lost.  

 

They walked and walked, and finally they came to see a little man.  He was standing in front of a tall tree.  The brother said to the little man, "Sir, can you help us?  We are trying to get home, but we're lost."

 

The little man said, "I will help you.  But you have to pay me."

 

"Pay you?!", exclaimed the sister.  "But we're only children.  We don't have any money."

 

"Oh, I don't want money!", replied the little man.  "I want to be paid in words.  Don't you know? -- You are lost in the Forest of Words.  Look up at the leaves on the trees."

 

The brother and sister looked up.  They were very surprised to see that all of the leaves were shaped like letters.  They saw the Latin letters which are used to write the English language.  They saw Tamil letters, and letters from many other languages.

 

The little man said, "I'll tell you what to do, but first you'll have to pay me five words that rhyme with book".

 

The brother and sister said, "Cook, look, crook, hook, and took".

 

"Very good!", said the little man.  "Ok.  Go down this hill.  You'll see a huge tree.  Go left.  After some time, you'll see a medium-sized boulder.  Then go right.  You'll come to a village.  Go to the fruit market, and you'll see a lady who is selling watermelons.  She will help you get home."

 

So off the brother and sister went -- to the huge tree, to the medium-sized boulder, and sure enough, they came to the village.  They found the lady who was selling watermelons.  The watermelons looked very delicious.  So the girl said, "Excuse me.  We would like two pieces of watermelon -- and we also need to find out how to get home."

 

The lady who was selling watermelons looked up and said, "I would be happy to help you.  But first you must tell me five words that have a double e in their middles".

 

"Two e's. Hmmm," said the brother and sister.  "Ok -- Keep.  Sleep.  Weep."

 

[To the audience] Can anyone help?  The words don't have to rhyme.

 

"Need."  "Seek."

 

"Well done!", said the woman.  She gave two slices of watermelon to the children, and said to them, "Ok.  You've got to go down the hill on the far side of the village.  You'll come to a river.  You'll need to cross that river in order to get home.  There will be a man there in a boat.  He will take you across the river."

 

"Thank you very much!", exclaimed the children, and they ran off.  Down the hill they went.  There they found the man standing in his boat.

 

"I will take you across the river," said the boatman.  "But first you have to pay me five puns."

 

"What's a pun?", asked the sister.  She was young, and did not know this yet.

 

"A pun is two words that sound the same -- but they are spelled differently, and they have different meanings," said the boatman.

 

"Oh, I know!", said the sister.  "Sun and son.  S-u-n is in the sky.  S-o-n is a male child."

 

"Beat and beet.  B-e-a-t means to hit.  B-e-e-t is a root vegetable," said the brother.

 

[To the audience] Can anyone else help?

 

"New and knew.  N-e-w means, not yet used.  K-n-e-w is the past form of, to know."

 

"Hare and hair.  A h-a-r-e is a rabbit.  H-a-i-r grows on peoples' heads."

 

"Piece and peace.  A p-i-e-c-e is a part of something.  P-e-a-c-e means, quiet and calm."

 

"Well done!", said the boatman.  And he took the brother and sister across the river.  From there they walked and walked, until they came to another river.  There they saw another man with a boat.

 

"I will take you across the river," this second boatman said.  "But you have to pay me two triple-puns."

 

"Triple-puns!?", exclaimed the sister.  "That's very difficult!  Now we'll never get home."

 

"Let's try," said her brother.  "I know one --- Two, too, and to.  T-w-o is a number.  T-o-o means, also.  T-o is a preposition, meaning approaching a place."

 

[To the audience] Does anyone else know any other triple-puns?  I'll tell you one -- and this is one many people live their entire lives without understanding.  Their, there, and they're.  T-h-e-i-r is is a possessive pronoun.  T-h-e-r-e is a place pronoun.  T-h-e-y-'r-e is a contraction of they and are.  A sentence containing all three is, "They're going to their house over there."

 

The boatman took the brother and sister across the river.  From there, the children ran as fast as they could, and soon they reached home.  They came into the dining room just as their mother and father were sitting down at the dinner table.  The children's mother said to them, "Where did you go?  I asked you to stay near by."

 

The brother and sister looked at each other.  The brother said, "We're sorry!  We got lost in the Forest of Words."

 

Their father said, "Please try to not do that again.  Especially not just before dinner."

 

"Ok, we promise!", said the brother and sister.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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